100 George Carlin Funny Quotes On Religion, Stupid People (function(e){var c=e;var a=c.ue||{};a.main_scope="mainscopecsm";a.q=[];a.t0=c.ue_t0||+new Date();a.d=g;function g(h){return +new Date()-(h?0:a.t0)}function d(h){return function(){a.q.push({n:h,a:arguments,t:a.d()})}}function b(m,l,h,j,i){var k={m:m,f:l,l:h,c:""+j,err:i,fromOnError:1,args:arguments};c.ueLogError(k);return false}b.skipTrace=1;e.onerror=b;function f(){c.uex("ld")}if(e.addEventListener){e.addEventListener("load",f,false)}else{if(e.attachEvent){e.attachEvent("onload",f)}}a.tag=d("tag");a.log=d("log");a.reset=d("rst");c.ue_csm=c;c.ue=a;c.ueLogError=d("err");c.ues=d("ues");c.uet=d("uet");c.uex=d("uex");c.uet("ue")})(window);(function(e,d){var a=e.ue||{};function c(g){if(!g){return}var f=d.head||d.getElementsByTagName("head")[0]||d.documentElement,h=d.createElement("script");h.async="async";h.src=g;f.insertBefore(h,f.firstChild)}function b(){var k=e.ue_cdn||"z-ecx.images-amazon.com",g=e.ue_cdns||"images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com",j="/images/G/01/csminstrumentation/",h=e.ue_file||"ue-full-11e51f253e8ad9d145f4ed644b40f692._V1_.js",f,i;if(h.indexOf("NSTRUMENTATION_FIL")>=0){return}if("ue_https" in e){f=e.ue_https}else{f=e.location&&e.location.protocol=="https:"?1:0}i=f? Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. How is it possible to have a civil war?George Carlin, When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. there's no such thing as rights. They should be more vivid. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. Are these people kidding? }); " George Carlin 15. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Now you can finally see what made George Carlin the dad tick. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. The 531+ Vicious Quotes Page 5 - QUOTLR Welcome | QuoteSaga When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.George Carlin, I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. They're imaginary. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. George Carlin, 27. I love individuals. Top George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Laugh often, long and loud. function(a9, a, p, s, t, A, g) { "Forget the politicians. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Yeah, I know, youre thinking. A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. var isRetina = window.devicePixelRatio >= 2; // retina display 14 George Carlin Quotes on Education, Kids & Parents - Fatherly This made him outstanding. And a list of people theyre going to visit at 3am. 50 Best John Mulaney Quotes For Every Comedy Fan, 13 Best Writing Tools for Inspired Authors, 30 Of The Best Dale Carnegie Quotes on Having a Great Life, 45+ Enlightening Quotes and Pieces of Advice, Inspirational & Spiritual Quotes From (365) Days of Tumblr, 40 Progressively Inspirational Sevenly.org Quotes, 45 Inspiring Quotations That Will Change The Way You Think #2, 5 Tips To Keep In Mind Before Hiring a Therapist Online, comedy about a singer who pretends to be a nun, friday funny motivational quotes for work, funny quotes about stupidity and ignorance, george carlin don t sweat the small stuff, george carlin on god the planet and the freak show, george carlin sayings that don t make sense, i dont want nobody fucking with me in these streets, positive funny inspirational quotes for work, quotes about getting screwed over at work. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. It's a big club and you ain't in it. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.George Carlin, Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. We cut education, in 50 years, well be so stack with idiots with shitty jobs that we wont have enough money to pay for defense! George Carlin, 85. born on May 12, 1937, The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin's full name was George Denis Patrick Carlin. He was the second onComedy Centrals list of top 10 American comedians in 2004, posthumously awarded theMark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, and ranked second in number on the list of the 50 best stand-up comedians of all time by Rolling Stonemagazine in 2017. Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. Its never just a game when youre winning.George Carlin, If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it?George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.George Carlin, Religion is just mind control. Aw, hes a comedian. Lists. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. }("apstag", window, document, "script", "//c.amazon-adsystem.com/aax2/apstag.js"); var node = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; Theres a humorous side to every situation. googletag.pubads().disableInitialLoad(); Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck. George Carlin, 52. And far from staying to the safer path, he leapt time and again past the cliff of common wisdom, in the hopes of rattling us into questioning the way we live. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. George Carlin, 31. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. Period. window.csa("Events")("setEntity", { Forget the politicians. //]]>. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. He was regarded as an influential and significant comic of all time. "Everyone smiles in the same language." ~ (George Carlin). Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. Quote by George Carlin - SComedy Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Please dont forget to subscribe to ourRSS-feedor followInspirationfeedonTwitter,Google+,andFacebook! var e = document.createElement("script"); e.src = "https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41mrkPcyPwL.js"; document.head.appendChild(e); ! Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? Quotes by George Carlin One of the most iconic comedians of all time. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. #government. I think that speaks for itself. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. 101 Marianne Williamson Quotes That Will Enlighten You. If you burn the flag, youre burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); I hate groups of people. died on June 22, 2008, George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.George Carlin, Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuckGeorge Carlin, I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. var cookies = document.cookie.split('; '); George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) They own all the important land. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin, 9. They own everything. And probably increase.George Carlin, And heres something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers arent answered. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. }); But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. googletag.cmd.push(function() { stylesheet.rel = "stylesheet"; We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. You don't. You have no choice. Best Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin | SComedy We havent tried that for a while. Laugh until you gasp for breath. The planet is fine. Laugh often, long and loud. We all need to let loose and laugh at things once in a while and making other people laugh as well as think and find meaning behind your jokes is an exceptional talent George Carlin has. Hes not a cheese. We havent tried that for a while. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin, 33. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Deal with it. George Carlin, One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. Well, its Gods will. Thy Will Be Done. Fine, but if its Gods will, and Hes going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. Nobody owns anything. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Thank you! ' George Carlin, 30. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("author", [22782]); If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin, 47. " George Carlin Quotes The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. var ue_t0=window.ue_t0||+new Date(); All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. (function () { A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. Goalcast inspires the world through stories. its only a symbol. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images By Daniel Kurtzman Updated on 06/20/18 "In America, anyone can become president. #privileges. When you are born in America, you get a front row seat. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Keep em showing up at those jobs. George Carlin, 81. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. }); Thats exactly what I want you to think. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. var source = getCookieWithoutJQuery("source"); [CDATA[ " George Carlin Quotes "Most of the country was founded by slave owners so they could be free. _Q: [] Its a great feeling. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes George Carlin quote: I have certain rules I live by. My - Lib Quotes Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. They own you. George Carlin. Here we are sharing a collection of George Carlin quotes on religion, government, and life for you to think deeply about the things you have never done before. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." George Carlin "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." George Carlin return null; It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. var googletag = googletag || {}; They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin 2. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin, 64. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. In fact, George Carlin had some pretty interesting things to say about government. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. url = "https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/mobile/phone_hd_images-2b89833762f600506d44865a33582d11.css"; Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it because youve lost your identity because you now owe your allegiance to this thing thats bigger than you are and that controls you. George Carlin, 71. George Carlin Quotes on Politics - LiveAbout It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. That's the problem. if(cookiePair[0] === name) { What do you get at the end of it? George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, 42. God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. 2023 Inspirationfeed. Interview with Todd Leopold, edition.cnn.com. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight } }; Because theres no money in that problem. , Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. Its disgusting, man. I'm the Founder of SucceedFeed.com and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and being apart of the Succeed Feed community. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. !function(){function n(n,t){var r=i(n);return t&&(r=r("instance",t)),r}var r=[],c=0,i=function(t){return function(){var n=c++;return r.push([t,[].slice.call(arguments,0),n,{time:Date.now()}]),i(n)}};n._s=r,this.csa=n}(); And apparently Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.George Carlin, Im completely in favor of theseparation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enoughon their own, so both of them together iscertain death.George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.George Carlin, If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Its important in life if you dont give a shit. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! //Best George Carlin quotes on life, religion and politics Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the supreme arrogance? Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? "Application": "GoodreadsMonolith", This is the best we can do folks. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? Tax them. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Top 10 George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Press Enter / Return to begin your search. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. American If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. }()); 125 Best George Carlin QuotesFunny George Carlin Quotes on Life When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. window.csa("Config", { Creative Commons. Thats the problem. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Then you live in an old age home. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68.
