When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. What is the solution? If your wife avoids intimacy and this lack of intimacy is beginning to take a toll on your marital bliss, it is time to have an honest conversation with your spouse. I dont understand. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. I stumbled here because my wife shows or accepts zero affection , caring or appreciation. This so frustrating at times. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. Now that you know that this could also be the reason why your wife avoids physical contact, you need to be her rock and convince her that you still think shes as beautiful as the day when you first met her. What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! Blah blah blah. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. I can easily live without sex, but I cannot live without love. We have been Maries for 26 years. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. She NEVER asks but will tell me I can have it whenever I want. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. My wife and I have been married 20 years. The wife never initiates physical contact if shes unhappy with the strength of the relationship, says Gopa. So its a trope that the man is always the one with the higher desire and the one left frustrated. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. I have asked her why she makes dinner for us even though she hates doing it, and she says its because she loves me. If shes not in the mood neither am I . There is no hope for this relationship. I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. Many claim that its women who become dis- Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. And I love doggie! That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. At that time my job became demanding. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Frankly Im tired of people pushing to try Testosterone replacement again. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. We have no children. Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! Better have the most compatibly with someone ans have a happy fulfilling relationship. So much hurt involved, and guilt. I love her but I need/miss sexual relations, which she's not into. Our mouths and fingers still work! Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. She know eccatly what shes doing. Its a bummer most times. Yes! I actually envy those that are single. That may be one reasons why so many husbands. Or you can try and find a willing partner. Sounds like you should try therapy. Suffice it to say I got cut off when she started affairs with 3 other guys. Resentment in the marriage eventually leads to conflict and arguments. But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. Our devastation has completely made intimacy and sex impossible. She displays no interest at all and hasnt for years. She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. All the way. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. Its not worth the stress. Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. I feel like its just my life now. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. If not he should go on in it. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. Its bad. And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. Add to that some other longstanding unresolved low sex drive and relationship problems caused by their mate (me) in the past, and strict un_affectionate anti_sex parents in her upbringing. So, lets be clear. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. If you search my wife wont touch me sexually, it may be time to stop thinking about sex and start thinking about dating. Right now Im going on over three months since shes wanted sex. * THE SECTION BELOW TO INSERT DYNAMIC VALUES FROM YOUR Sex is not just about giving what you get, its about an experience that both partners should enjoy equally. Maybe there are areas of your marriage to be worked on, maybe a little couples' therapy will make a big difference, or maybe it's time to consider whether this marriage is really worth holding on to. To answer your question from my 69-year old, male POV: I wouldnt even care if he watched or joined. 60s, 70s. Ive been accepting of her feelings and expectations. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! He doesnt even like to kiss. My wife and I have been in couples therapy now for about 3 years, and while it has helped our relationship a lot, nothing going on sexually. Dont fool yourself into thinking that what you say or how you say it will somehow turn her back on. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. It was not measurable in his blood. When you choose not to accept/care/act on it year after year, our desire disappears. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. Hes my best friend, the love of my life, an amazing Dad, my confidant and my everything. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. We havent had sex in months. If you feel that my wife never initiates physical contact, you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed. So I cheat. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. Wish she would just say so. Marriage vows are till death do you part. Take time to learn about the secrets of sex all women wish men knew, learn your way around her body and plan a special evening together. It may be helpful for her to speak with her doctor about her struggles with libido, if relevant, to see if an adjustment in her treatment plan may help. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. * RECOMMENDED CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT AND UNCOMMENT She wants no part of it. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? Yes it seems so mechanical and cut and dry the way some men are, so no sex is much more appealing. I am 64 and met a 75 widower for 13 years whom exercises, takes a natural supplement to help with blood flow, and takes occasional viagra. */ my dad is 85 years old and my mom is 5 years his senior at 90 years old. The Bible says to not deny one another because it leads to stumbling. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. For fucks sake man. Lets face it, as women age, many lose sex drive, along with experiencing a good number of other sexual problems. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. Only you can decide if this is right for you. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. He had at least 9 different jobs, years of unemployment with me working overtime 12 hrs night shifts (RN here). Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. At least your wife gives you a hand job AND wants you to Cum on her tits! 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. They can go months and years without sex and then the menopause hits and then theyre completely done. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. My wife and I now both sleep with settled stomachs (and I dont wake hungry in the night). My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. I was looking forward to my sexual freedom and massive quantities of sex and orgasms. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. Tall. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. Sometimes a married woman isn't interested in having sex with her spouse because she's simply not in the mood right now. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. My wife and I had a beautiful sex life until she started to have complex female problems that resulted in a partial histerectomy and even after the procedure she finds sex very painful. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. struggles or clinical depression? That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. Honor us with attention and physical contact. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. Lowered estrogen can also cause her libido to lag. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. this.page.url = PAGE_URL; all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Color me confused. You cant really blame her, can you? If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. I am 60, and my husband is 65. :(, Wow Chris D!! Just has zero desire. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. Like, whats wrong with me? Maybe we should start a group. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. She continued to have sex for a while but that eventually ended and we havent had sex now in over 5 years. When we have been lucky enough to have experienced phenomenal sex with our partners and that has been cut off, that does not mean we stop wanting or needing sex and intimacy. When they stop they stop. If I was younger, much younger I would have more options. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. The marriage is fine except for the sex. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). Having a regular marriage check-in can help you keep an eye on your relationship and ensure you are satisfied with how much time you spend together in the bedroom. She just isnt attracted to me. Amen. It hard to bud out. I only wrote this, to just say it. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. Do they shrink with age? NOw he works well and Im proud of him for that. And that's perfectly fine! I set up a Revenge cheat. Its only going to get worse. Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. The nipple is not an on and off switch. I mistakenly intercepted several text She has rejected counseling and even criticizes my masterbation or porn. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. My doctor keeps a close eye on me too. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. But she is just not sexually attracted to me. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. Just shows how woman dont know anything about other women. That was the best written, most solid commentary on this subject Ive ever read. not someone to basically jerk off into. Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing! She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. I cant make the same wages I did before my illness, but added to my retirement money, it can get close. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. I really miss the intimacy we used to have when we were sexual. . Yeah. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. Isnt going to happen. He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. why is he grumpy? if you want to get married for children just understand that your wife will stop wanting to have sex with you after she gets her babies. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). With out being rude . It will make you horny as hell, however. And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. A woman who feels that shes living with a man whocant regain her trust after cheating will most certainly have problems connecting with him on an emotional as well as physical level. We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! I hear ya. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. Nothing, I mean nothing, kills a relationship, a marriage, a union, more thoroughly than complacency and boredom. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. That being said, my wife and I married young. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. Joan Price is the authorof several books including The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 andthe award-winning self-help bookNaked at Our Age.Visit Joans blog, Naked at Our Age and herFacebook page. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. Jos!! I am desperate. Not!! As well as almost no feeling there as well. Read the first sentence again. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. I would divorce him but whats the point. Once you've looked at yourself, talk to her and pay attention to how she's feeling.
